I can hear you laughing from here

Reader asks…

I am trying to figure out how to make my boys tidy up. I am not really a neat freak, but the constant disorder drives me nuts. I am able to handle it for short periods of time, but then the crazy starts to build and I start yelling.

If you have tips about how to make Steve put his laundry away, please share.

Mom, stop laughing. I can hear you ALL THE WAY OVER HERE and for chrissakes we’re 6000 kilometers away. It’s not THAT funny that someone would ask me for advice on getting someone to pick their clothes off the floor.

Okay, maybe it is.

Thing is, I’m notorious for an ever-present layer of laundry (both clean and dirty) on my bedroom floor. But believe it or not, I DO have three suggestions, dear reader.

1. Baskets. Baskets/tubs/tupperware containers are key. Personally I don’t like tidying up either… but I’m much more likely to do so if I have somewhere to throw it. This one comes directly from my mother. My sister and I thought this was the weirdest ritual of all time when we were kids. She kept buying these little plastic baskets to store knick knacks in. They populated bathroom drawers, dresser tops, bookcase shelves… you name it. Like I said, I didn’t get it at the time, but both Danielle and I admit now they are totally useful. And bonus: if you get them at the Dollar store instead of Zellers or Walmart they’re only about 1.25 a piece.
2. If I don’t put my laundry away or hang up my clothes AS SOON AS I TAKE THEM OFF or AS SOON AS THEY COME OUT OF THE DRYER they will NEVER EVER be put away. Guaranteed. There’s just something about clothes laying around on the floor that makes them look very at home. It seems almost a crime to disturb them. I blame Issac Newton. He’s the one that came up with that whole theory of inertia. Yes. That’s it. Newton’s to blame for my clothes laying on the floor. In any case, the bottom line is: if they hit the ground, you’re screwed. If you can catch them before they stop rolling around in the dryer, or as you take them off your body then you should be home-free.
3. Get a dog. Preferably one that sheds. This is probably my MOST useful suggestion because it’s one that really works. If you get a dog that sheds you will never ever leave clothes laying on any surface ever again. Because if you do, it’s guaranteed within 20 seconds said clothing will be INSTANTLY covered in dog hair. The only way to avoid this is to hang them up right away. Also? If you don’t walk it enough, the dog will likely start to chew on anything that is left on the floor. I’ve lost many shirts this way until I learned my lesson. Now I hang my crap up AND exercise my dog. Win Win Win.

I’m am almost 100% positive none of that was in the least bit helpful.

Me as a Mormon – Part 2

Reader asks….

Why does your polygamy have to include multiple wives? Would it work if you had multiple husbands?

See this comment deserves its very own little post. Because frankly, I hadn’t given that much thought at all. Probably because my only exposure to polygamy comes from too much TV-watching and some extensive (though largely boring) Wikipedia-ing… and not at all any real-life encounters.

Back when I was living in Quebec City (the immediate pre-Nunavut days) I tried dating more than one person at the same time. I wasn’t being a floozy, I just was VERY casually going out for drinks with two different people. And I didn’t like it. Inevitably I liked one more than the other and felt smarmy when I was with the “wrong” one.

On the other hand, I have noticed that I have a nack for developing “mini-crushes” on people when I’m in a relationship. Nothing serious, just silly little Jr. High school crushes where you giggle when that dreamboat over there glances your way. Generally harmless and they tend to fade away on their own. I used to freak out about this, but decided instead it’s just Jackie-normal.

But I just don’t think having multiple spouses is for me. Too complicated. I’d worry too much about who I like more and not letting the other one know… but I guess *ideally* the principle is that you love each of the people equally and can’t bear to be without any of them…

But I just don’t think that’s me. I’m a one-man gal. When I am with someone they get all of me. I don’t know how to split my heart. And I’m not sure I want to. It doesn’t sound comfy.

Current Album: There is no current album. I’m bouncing around my iPod tracks by artist and SWEET MOTHER OF GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE LADY GAGA ON HERE, WTF IS A LADY GAGA?! Excuse me while I puke up my lunch. And purge my iPod.  (Oh God. I know this song. OH SHIT I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SONG FAAAAAAAAK who have I BECOME?)

Also, can we dicuss how funny it is that I’ve mentioned both polygamy and Lady Gaga in the same 360 words? That’s got to deserve some sort of award.