I’m such a sorry-wuss-of-a-Jackie right now. I’m sitting in my old childhood bedroom, suitcase on the floor, clothes exploded all around me (and more in the laundry basket downstairs) on the verge of tears.

I leave the island — MY ISLAND — today to go back to Kelowna, and I’m just broken hearted over it.

Maybe I’m just being self-absorbed and can’t see outside my own leaky eyes, but I don’t ever remember being so cut up about leaving/going back ‘home’ in past years, past trips.

And really, I’ve had a good break here. I’ve had two weeks off, and spent most of them on PEI. Lounging around, enjoying the company of friends and family.

But I can’t shake this panic-mucus-ball that’s building in my chest. It’s making it hard to swallow and keeping me from doing anything productive. From packing, from maybe taking that last photo-jaunt around the neighbourhood or around town.

I have a cousin who lives in Edmonton, but who grew up on PEI. She traded in the east coast for the west over 10 years ago now, and dreams of — almost fetishizes — returning to Dover, PEI*. Now, she can’t go back for another 8 years or so, no matter how bad she wants it.

I never ever ever understood why anyone in the world would DREAM of Dover when the rest of the world was just a plane ride away.

But I get it now. This place is familiar. This place is family. I left this place 7 years ago with no plans of looking back. But I can’t help wanting to take myself and the pup and hide in the woodbox downstairs. Stow away in my parents’ living room.

Because I really really really don’t want to leave.


*Dover is a rural town so small it doesn’t have a Wikipedia page, doesn’t have any real online presence… or offline presence for that fact. Dover is a place in-between two blue road signs. One that says “Dover” and the other that says the name of the next nothing-community.


One Response to “Homesick”

  1. Lindsay Says:

    I know alot of people don’t hold Saskatchewan in very high regard, but that is home for me….and I feel oh so very homesick too. It is a horrible feeling, and one that makes me feel oh so alone (even though i’m not)…this last trip out as great, and I never wanted to leave…I just wanted to move back into my parents house and stay there forever….and even though we have been back up for a couple of months, if I could leave tomorrow to go home I would…hmmmm, not a real pick-me-up hey? Anyways, hugs!!!!

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