A lesson in self-reliance

You know, life’s hard sometimes. Sometimes you can just be flyin’ high and BAM someone kicks you in the gnads. Not that I have gnads. But if I did, I’m sure it would hurt.

I was kicked in the metaphorical gnads yesterday. And then twice today after I got home from Riverdance (yes, Riverdance). And of course it happened at one of my highest of highs. I left the Confederation Centre soaring. I was in a GOOD GOOD mood. I drove all the way home with I Gotta Feeling blaring from my car stereo, bopping up and down and belting out the lyrics (those that I could remember) from the top of my lungs.

I could sing, I could dance, I could fly.

And then I got two emails in my inbox that had me crashing to the ground. One that suggests I’m being held responsible for that crazy bill my former landords charged the MotherCorp. Another that suggests a friend is giving up on a legal battle.

And both are just so heartbreaking because of how unfair they are. It’s unfair that my landlords lied and took advantage of the situation (I’m not saying I was 100% in the right, but I really think they were being shady). It’s unfair that after this friend has already lost so much, that there’s still no justice, and somehow still more to lose.

And after I hung up the phone with that friend, and after I pressed ‘send’ on my reply email to HR… I looked around my room and realized I was totally, completely alone. I looked down at the phone again and couldn’t figure out who to call.

Then I looked in the mirror at my sad, miserable face and thought to myself ‘this is the beginning.’

Being alone is hard. I haven’t dated many people in my life, but those I did became my best friends for periods of a year or more. And the part that I miss most about being in a relationship is having someone I can bear my soul to. Someone I don’t feel like I’m burdening when I call with a crisis. Someone who will give me a hug, no matter what. Someone who knows all the little ins and outs of my daily life so that when something happens that feels catastrophic, they can help put it in perspective.

But right now? I don’t have that. And I’m going to have to learn to live with it. Because I’m moving to a new place. I’m going to have to make new friends. I am starting over.

I need to start relying more on myself, and less on others. I need to learn to be my own best friend. Because if there’s anything or anyone who will always be there, it’s me.

It’s time to step up to the plate.

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4 Responses to “A lesson in self-reliance”

  1. Fawn Says:

    Ah, honey, sorry to hear about those hard kicks. But you’re never truly alone. There isn’t always someone there to give you hugs, but *we’ll* always be here for you.

  2. Robyn Says:

    Always, ALWAYS call me. Or Andrea. You know we’re always here for you! And I understand the “starting over” thing probably better than anyone (seeing as I seem to do it every 8 months or so). It’s hard. It sucks. But the friends come (I even had one randomly show up last night to eat my soup), and I’ve learned the guys aren’t necessary. Get to know You again. The You that you are in the new place. Make that You happy. Find something you love, and do it. Hell, find a bunch of things you love! Walk your dog and watch his stubby legs blur as you chase him (I KNOW stubby legs make you laugh!). Document your first month with daily photos with your spy-cam (or whatever cam works best for that). Weekly chats with the condiments for your dose of hilarity. Everything else will fall into place… they always do!

    PS: I LOVE that song!

    • Jackie S. Quire Says:

      I totally laughed at the stubby legs part. And I think maybe weekly doses of condiment hilarity should be prescribed as well.
      Thanks babe 🙂

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