Why I’ll never be a mormon

Funny what watching enough TV will do to you (and no you evil evil uban-myth-fiend parents, I don’t mean turn your eyes square).

A combination of the Grand New Orleans Adventure and birthday giftcards has meant I’ve recently stocked up BIG TIME on TV-series.

But really, who can blame me when both The Sopranos and West Wing are going for $19 a season, and Big Love for just a hair more than that.

If I had my way I would probably just spend the next couple months holed up in my living room with a little oompaloompah whose only mission in life is to press the “eject” button on my DVD player and fetch snacks.

But being as Oompaloompahs are in short supply these days (hell, they had to use special sci-fi effects to produce enough for the most recent Willy Wonka movie) and I probably should finish out these last couple weeks at work… I have developed a productivity formula.

It goes as follows:

Get home.
Take pup out for some sort of activity that will tire him out so he doesn’t drive me crazy all night.
Make supper.
Watch an episode of Big Love.
Pack a box.
Watch an episode of West Wing.
Do dishes and/or pack a box.
Lather.
Rinse.
Repeat.

But somewhere in there is a session for Deep Thinking. Because as I’ve been watching Big Love I’ve come to one very large, very important life decision.

I could never be a Mormon.

Or rather, I could never be a polygamist. Because as I’ve learned (HBO is soooo educational) while most polygamists are Mormon, not all Mormons are polyamists.

But either way. I couldn’t do it. Maybe it’s deeply rooted in serious jealousy issues… because I really can not imagine sharing my husband with anyone else for the rest of my life. It just wouldn’t work. I’d be forever plagued by relationship-insecurities like “does he like HER better or ME” and “is it better to be the first wife because you get to be ‘official’ or is it better to be the second/third wife because things are still ‘fresh’ ” etc. etc.

So yah. Mom, Dad don’t worry.

While I like the show, I am way too self-centered and paranoid to be a polygamist.

Current album: Metric’s Fantasies

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5 Responses to “Why I’ll never be a mormon”

  1. Kara Says:

    Where did you find the Sopranos for $19 a season???

  2. Jackie S. Quire Says:

    Actually I found it at Walmart in Louisiana. I could only find the first season though, but seriously? Still an incredible steal.

  3. Clare Says:

    Why does your polygamy have to include multiple wives? Would it work if you had multiple husbands?

  4. mindy Says:

    “Because as I’ve learned (HBO is soooo educational) while most polygamists are Mormon, not all Mormons are polygamists.” Which just shows why HBO is so NOT educational. If you are a polygamist, you are kicked out of the Mormon church. Period. You cannot be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) and also be a polygamist. As a polygamist, you may SAY you are Mormon, but you are not on the records of the church.

  5. Jackie S. Quire Says:

    Mindy,
    You are very very very right, and that was a little nugget I had forgotten (and something they DID mention on the show).
    I’m by no means an expert on polygomy and/or the Mormon faith.
    I should have been more clear in my post. If I understood correctly from what I was reading online, there is a sect of LDS (I think the word is fundamental?) that does hold up the plural marriage tradition… but they have been excommunicated(?) by the “regular” LDS group.
    I think I got that right?
    Thanks for your comment/correction! 🙂

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